An ode to the best center back in the entire world, Nemanja Vidic.
Prepare for 55 Vidicisms!

1 When Nemanja Vidic does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

2 The chief export of Nemanja Vidic is Pain.

3 If you beat a team containing Nemanja Vidic in Pro Evo it will cause your PS2 to blow up.

4 In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Nemanja Vidic could use to kill you – including the room itself.

5 Nemanja Vidic once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

6 For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Nemanja Vidic, each testicle is larger than the other one.

7 Nemanja Vidic grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

8 Nemanja Vidic once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.

9 Nemanja Vidic played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

10 Nemanja Vidic puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

11 Nemanja Vidic hates The Beatles; two to go.

12 Nemanja Vidic crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.

13 Nemanja Vidic died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

14 Nemanja Vidic once woke up in a foul mood. The result was the Yugoslav wars.

15 Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Vidic once killed four birds with half a stone. What’s that? You say there’s no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn’t think so either.

16 Fergie didn’t drop Darren Fletcher, Nemanja Vidic dropped Darren Fletcher.

17 Nemanja Vidic doesn’t mark players, he permanently stamps them.

18 Nemanja Vidic once turned up for training late – Fergie fined the rest of the team for being early.

19 Nemanja Vidic doesn’t head the ball away, the ball heads the other way.

20 Nemanja Vidic can slam revolving doors.

21 Nemanja Vidic once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes shagging his waitress.

22 Nemanja Vidic won ‘Jumanji’ without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was
thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

23 Nemanja Vidic can piss into gale force winds.

24 There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Nemanja Vidic.

25 They once made a Nemanja Vidic toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

26 Superman’s only weakness is kryptonite; Namanja Vidic thinks Superman is a cock for having a weakness.

27 Back in Serbia a street was named ‘Nemanja Vidic’ in his honour. The council had to rename it soon after as people were dying on it. No-one crosses Nemanja Vidic and lives.

28 Vidic’s calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Vidic.

29 Superman wears Nemanja Vidic pajamas.

30 …and on the seventh day Nemanja Vidic said, “I’ll take it from here.”

31 Nemanja Vidic once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

32 Vidic and Superman once arm-wrestled. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his trousers.

33 Nemanja Vidic once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

34 ‘The Black Eyed Peas’ were just ‘The Peas’ until Nemanja Vidic heard their music.

35 There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Nemanja Vidic.

36 The truth may hurt, but it doesn’t hurt as much as Nemanja Vidic.

37 Nemanja Vidic shares his Birthday with No-one.

38 Nemanja Vidic has been to the end of the Universe……….twice.

39 Vidic only turns up for matches. His training consists of heading grenades as far as possible in order to keep Serbia safe.

40 Nemanja Vidic can leave a message before the beep.

41 Nemanja Vidic can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

42 Nemanja Vidic can touch MC Hammer.

43 When Nemanja Vidic has cum women in a five mile radius can get pregnent.

44 Global warming can be directly linked to Nemanja Vidic’s blood temperature.

45 The Incredible Hulk once got so angry it turned into Nemanja Vidic.

46 Since the Asian Tsunami, Nemanja Vidic no longer farts while swimming in the Pacific Ocean…

47 Nemanja Vidic could get Craig Bellamy laid.

48 Nemanja Vidic could play for Man City while his collarbone heals.

49 Arnold Schwarzenegger thought he could take Nemanja Vidic in a fight. He ended up pregnant and they made a shit movie about it.

50 Nemanja Vidic once kicked Paris Hilton so hard she got her virginity back.

51 Nemanja Vidic, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, “I believe… I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride.” Arnie says, “I believe… that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements.” God then turns to Vidic, who replies with, “I believe… you are sitting in my seat.”

52 One problem with yours super7′s- Nemanja Vidic wouldn’t pause in-between sentences!!

53 Vidic was being lined up for Die Hard 4.0, but he stopped the terrorists in two seconds.

54 Nemanja Vidic has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

55 The ‘Big Bang’ was a Nemanja Vidic tackle.