Couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this. Enjoy!
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Archive for the 'Funny' Category
16SepPow!
22JanComedic awakenings
It’s 5.45am as I write this and I’ve just not long since woken up, unintentionally, by literally laughing out loud from a dream I was having.
I’m sure that I won’t be able to give the dream the credit and timings it deserves, but I truly wish every true football fan could have this dream at least once. Let’s just say it featured the cheesy opening of the World Cup, a giant African shell and the incapacitation
Today I’ve been a little under the weather. In fact, why do people say ‘a little’ when they actually mean ‘a lot’, but I’m not going to argue semantics, rather post something up here that was never the plan for today. I’ve had a really bad stomach and the shakes since I woke up tihs morning, I have no idea why or what could have caused it, but it’s been discomforting enough that wrapping up warm in bed has been a preferable alternative to working, which is why, for today, my original update won’t get posted and all things being well, will get posted within the next couple of days.
But not to disappoint you dear reader, I am posting possibly the greatest thing I’ve seen all year.
Nicholas Cage as… Everyone. Yes dear reader, Nicholas Cage really is the most versatile actor on the planet, and here is the proof: http://niccageaseveryone.blogspot.com/ featuring such classical reprised roles as:
Forrest Gump:
Riddick:
The Mask:
Enjoy.
14FebOuch!
As many of you will know, I play football every Wednesday night and have done so for over a year now. I’m not the most skillful of players, nor one of the fastest (some of the players are scary fast), but make up for it in effort, tackling and passing, but this past week when making a block from a shot I my ankle cracked and an intense pain and heat formed in my foot. The result is this:
As you can see, it’s all bruised and swollen considerably (and on the night it was about 2-3 times worse, Ice worked wonders.
just spent the better part of an hour watching a game of ‘Aussie Rules Football’ on television and I’m still no better off for understanding it other than players cannot simply throw the ball ala Gridiron nor throw it backwards ala Rugby, but instead have to punch it. They may also kick in any direction though they cannot carry the ball for very long, having to bounce the ball but from what I saw, it appears they may only bounce it once.
Confused? I was and I was watching the damn thing.
The players also seem to have complete disregard for the pitch markings which seems a little bit bizarre, with players seemingly running in and out the markings at will. Even more out of the ordinary was that every complete pass was met with a whistle which seemed to be coming from the direction of the referee, only to hear a shout of ‘Carry on’, a million miles away from Football where (usually) the referee’s whistle results in an immediate stop of play, it certainly never means ‘play on’.
What is most well known about ‘Aussie Rules’ is that it’s pretty (read: damn well) violent, I’m sure we’ve all seen videos on YouTube of players getting clotheslined around the throat, ripped down to the ground and even punched. Rather frightening. However, when watching it there didn’t seem to be anything too out of the ordinary (aside from people slamming into each other in the first place – though in Aussie Rules no one seems to wear any protection), until one player wearing the number 44 for St Gilda’s made another rather impressive catch whilst being torn down, the commentator comes out with “I don’t know why he’s improved so much, perhaps it’s the broken cheekbone or perhaps the blood transfusion, but he’s a much better player now”.
The most unexpected feature of Aussie Rules when I was watching it was just how big the pitch was. It really is enormous and on first appearance it looks to dwarf those of a Rugby pitch, Football (soccer) pitch and an American Football pitch, it really was huge. I guess that’s why you never seem to see overweight Aussie Rules players in the videos, had I been playing I think it’s far to say I’d be on the deck, gasping after 5 minutes.
I guess the biggest shock was the fact I watched it in the first place and I would say it’s fair enough to say that had I not been bored to tears without any contact with the outside world via the phone or Internet I wouldn’t have watched it, nor will I ever likely go out of my way to watch it again, but it’s not as thuggish or as unskilled as I ever thought. Quite impressive.
On the subject of Aussie Rules, I found the following quotes which I just think sums up those outcasts in Australia, particularly those mental enough to play AFL:
It’s 9.05am, Monday. I am fast asleep after a late night of forum posting and 3D work, and I hear what appears to sound like a doorbell, I awaken suddenly not entirely sure of where I am, what time it is or why I just woke up. The doorbell rings again, I look out the window next to the bed and see a City Link van parked outside, remembering that the replacement coffee machine is arriving for my parents. I quick as a flash run into the en-suite, grab the dressing gown and run down the stairs, tieing the dressing gowns belt loosely around the trim of my boxer shorts, I take a sharp left and answer the door as the third ring, and surely last, of the doorbell rings out.
I open the door, slightly out of breath, and thank the guy for waiting. He looks at me, hands me the clipboard in his hands, “Hi, erm, can you sign here and, er, print here, I’ll get the package out the van, thanks.”
Still sleepy, I do as requested, look up and see the fellow coming from the back of the van with a big brown box carried to his chest, “Is this a replacement?”,
“Yes, it’s a Coffee Machine,”
“I hope it works, erm, better than the last one did,” he says, glancing over the top of the box,
“Yeah, me too, been a while without one,” I reply with my best ‘I’m awake’ smile and voice,
“Okay, you, erm, signed the.. yes, thanks, have a, erm, good day, bye,”.
Nice guy I thought, perhaps a bit simple, but it was nice to see someone talk for a change, albeit only just.
I throw the box on the floor (literally, I dropped it) and ran upstairs to get back to bed as 9.05am (or 9.08am as it now was) is far too early for me, so I go into the bathroom and hang my robe up, look down and it’s at that point I realise my cock is hanging out between boxer buttons numbers 1 and 2, and was in full view for anyone leaving to go to work and for the City Link man.
So for anyone wearing button boxers, be careful and check when you rush out of bed.
Ironically, this isn’t the first time I’ve been caught unawares with my privates out in public…. Ahhh, Istanbul 2004 :p.
